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*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar:

wishes she was special.  
  • Status: deviantART Subscriber
  • Art Student
  • Female/United States
  • Invisible
  • Deviant since Dec 15, 2006, 10:39 PM
  • Subscribed until Sep 3, 2008, 1:58 PM
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  • 102 Deviations
  • 6 Scraps [browse]
  • 1,307 Deviation Comments
  • 277 Deviant Comments
  • 4,105 Pageviews

Malik: Eat Your Heart Out

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I'd walk to you if I had no other way...

Journal Entry: Wed Jul 16, 2008, 10:32 PM
I'm having many inner conflicts right now. I think I'm going through a depression again... I know I ended a long term depression when school got out... and then I started on one right after Fanime... I'm assuming this is the same one... erm, it started fading for awhile and I was somewhat happy for the end of June... but ever since July started I've been one giant mental wreck.

I've... really never felt so confused in my life... I have so many different emotions I'm going through and I have NOBODY to talk to. I mean, I know people on here give me support and shit... and that is nice and all... but there are certain people... I need and they aren't... uh... around anymore...

Swimming ending... fear of losing a purpose... losing something so important to me for years and years - even longer than high school... the stress of trying to be faster and running out of time....

.... this sinking feeling... this anger... these... desires... no way to get back at them.... hopelessness, helplessness... being in love...

...can I? Be in love with two people? Is it selfish...? I suppose both of them are... dying loves... one person hurts me so much mentally... the other.... the memories... and the longings... not being able to get close... nowhere close... can't even... see them....

and then... he... he likes another girl.... so I guess I went off and did the same thing... but I don't have anybody ... so he shouldn't... he shouldn't do that.

And my sex crazy co workers... telling me he wants to move on cause he just wants to get laid.. and stupid men. I hate stupid men... or maybe I just want to? I don't even know... men and women alike seem to make me cry... maybe I should just be asexual...

.... I'm not PMSing or anything... but I've been crying so hard... I want somebody to fall in love with me and hold me when I'm crying... or be a best friend maybe... or just... make me smile... for long periods of time...

I'm selfish, because I want to be happy. I stress people out because of this... but... it's not fair.... so much wasted energy.... I wanted you when you didn't even know you were wanted...

I hate unrequited love. And why must all good things come to an end? The only happiness I could find during the school year... she's so far away... and then the only happiness I could find during the summer.... it's going away too... and I'm... sad... and I have so many longings...

...

I'm done.


Requests

Slots:

1.:iconkk-the-fox:(KK and Max)
2.:iconsyershasfeets: (Clock) (waiting for reference)
3.:iconkaoi-ni: (Finished: [link])
4.:iconyao-ling: (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5.:iconmeeps: (OtogixMalik)
6.:iconhimitsu-kuri: (YuugixMokuba)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably. ^^;


Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.






</div
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(lol working on it...)

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:iconkaoi-ni: :icondamaged-material: :iconcitrus-chicana: :iconkasid:


14 Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Hey There Delilah
  • Reading: Peony in Love

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:icondevilfromheavean49: :iconfax-grimmin: :iconinamax: :iconthewax: :icongothedess: :iconloki-rei: :iconedheloth: :iconherms85: :iconsyershasfeets: :iconmoonlightflight: :iconkunebitt: :iconshamcy: :iconyaminodarknesu: :iconevilqueenie: :iconmatti-otonashi: :iconkaoru-chan: :iconslifertheskydragon: :iconlexidh: :icongyakuten-no-megami: :icontails-luver-2085:
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Devious Information

  • Current Age: 19.... D,:
  • Current Residence: Northern California
  • Interests: Anime, drawing, writing comics, gaming, watching anime, yaoi, roleplaying and daydreaming
  • Favourite movie: Narnia, Pirates of the Carribean, Spirited Away, Harry Potter, Phantom of the Opera, & Lion King
  • Favourite band or musician: Nightwish and Within Temptation
  • Favourite artist: Kazuki Takahashi, Rumiko Takahashi, Maki Murakami and Arina Tanemura
  • Favourite poet or writer: J.K Rowling, Amy Tan, Lisa See
  • MP3 player of choice: Mah Ipod Mini
  • Wallpaper of choice: One word: Irateshipping.
  • Favourite game: All the Sonic games, and Pokemon
  • Favourite gaming platform: Nintendo Gamecube
  • Favourite cartoon character: Malik Ishtar, Yami no Bakura, Jounouchi, Koga, Shadow, Zim, Mello, L, Hikaru, Tamaki + more.
  • Personal Quote: "Normal people scare me."
  • Tools of the Trade: Pencils! Pencils are an artist\'s sennen item... Oye vey that was very dorky. *uber nerd*

Devious Comments

*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 23 hours 43 minutes ago
Haha, you're cute. *huggles*

That made my day. For some reason. :B

And I don't. But I suppose in the dream world I might. XD; Mwuahha my dream self is stalking joo.

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
~Crazeh-Sunshine:iconCrazeh-Sunshine: 23 hours 51 minutes ago Mood: Dumbfounded
=O I had a dream with you in it last night!

I found this really rare Jounouchi figurine in a store (which doesn't really exist D: ), but it was really expensive, so I didn't buy it.

But then the next day I had a package, and the Jou figurine was it o.O And it was from you. And you'd called my house too and left a message letting me know who it was from.

But I had no idea how you'd have known my address or phone number xD.

It was weeeeiiiird~
~devilfromheavean49:icondevilfromheavean49: 3 days 1 hour ago
your a great artist! zomg!

and as said, the cosplays are way to cool! XD

--
My mind is as open as i choose to let it be.
I choose to understand things before judging

Ask me before you judge me, know me before you scorn me.

All i ask in life is that we live it to the fullest, never give up or look back ; )
*Himitsu-Kuri:iconHimitsu-Kuri: 4 days 16 hours ago
[link]

WATCH IT! it haunts my dreams :B
*pardonM3:iconpardonM3: 4 days 18 hours ago
Thank you for the :+fav: on Oscillations, aftershocks.
I really appreciate the support. =)
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 5 days 3 hours ago
Thank you. I can tell you are going to be a very skilled photographer someday. I like the feeling invoked in your photos... I just love beach pictures too and that sense of freedom. :) Hope you are enjoying dA so far.

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 5 days 3 hours ago
I don't know many fans of it honestly. And Anzu is the only girl I really like. Plus I like to pair him with all of his mind slaves... (yes, even the fugly ones).

Enh, in my opinion everybody is a puppyshipper, puzzleshipper or a tendershipping. IT'S ANNOYING. D:< I hate all that mainstream stuff - BUT THERE IS MORE BRONZESHIPPING THAN IRATESHIPPING SO NO COMPLAINING! 8D;;;;

D: Yes he was. And then he gets fugly in Duelist Kingdom and starts looking good again after that.... But it's not the same... :/

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 5 days 3 hours ago
No, it is very beautiful. But I can relate to the feelings in the picture so I think it's sad too.... mhm... cause unrequited love sucks.

Aww. Well, I hope she liked it.

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
*Yao-Ling:iconYao-Ling: 5 days 7 hours ago
I hate the MalikAnzu ship, and not because
HOMG IT GETS IN THE WAY WITH THE GHEY!?!!!121L3IRU2O3U!!!,
it just doesn't make any fucking sense
and it's fans annoy the hell out of me.
._.

I can't STAND puzzleshipping, since it makes up more than
half the fandom, and all the good fics come
from it. Where's my bronzeshipping art, huh, huh!?
:no:

Jounouchi only has personality in Season O.
Wavy hair = personality
And he was so fucking hot in the first manga.

--

I like boys with
pretty faces and have the
emotional stability of a
teenage girl.
:heart:

I am a love slave. I have many masters. I SHOW LOVE TO THEM BY HINTING AT THEIR EXISTANCE IN MY SIGNATURE.
I hart you, bitches.
~incessantme:iconincessantme: 5 days 11 hours ago
hmm i just had her on my mind that day and decided to draw it out..guess i was being emotional? D: but it's supposed to be something beautiful, not depressing >.>"
she actually left a comment on that piece x:

--
.sexually violent.oh noez.
:damphyr: :ohnoes:
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 5 days 14 hours ago
Really? That's sweet... did you give it to her? Or did you just make it because you were feeling emotional?

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
~incessantme:iconincessantme: 5 days 21 hours ago
aww thank you ^^
yea..that was made for a girl i like ">w<

--
.sexually violent.oh noez.
:damphyr: :ohnoes:
~lasik:iconlasik: 5 days 22 hours ago Mood: Humor
Thanks for your commenting and the favourite! I'm glad you appreciate my photos. I really like the artwork in your gallery the ones that i have seen so far.
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 5 days 23 hours ago
Thank you. Your artwork is so cute. And I can really relate to the unrequited love thing... ^^;

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
~incessantme:iconincessantme: 6 days 54 minutes ago
yay thanks for the favorite c:
happy belated birthday! :0 *points to your journal* :heart:

--
.sexually violent.oh noez.
:damphyr: :ohnoes:
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 6 days 2 hours ago
Oh but I like Malik paired with almost anybody. Yes, even Anzu. And I hated Kaiba anyway. That's just another reason. I mean, he's super annoying, especially in season 2 cause he's always having godcardgasms and I'm like WTF CALM DOWN. Plus he thinks he's the shit and he's so not. ~_~

But yea, I don't care for Puzzleshipping, but I don't hate it... and Puppyshipping is crap.... Prideshipping is annoying.... but other than that I think I'm okay with most pairings... :/

Jou has a personality.... *whimpers and cries* ...a good personality for getting raped by bad guys... because he squirms a lot.... ._.;

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
*tails-luver-2085:icontails-luver-2085: 6 days 2 hours ago
GAH. So many issues. XD

--
:star:Team Riders:star:
:bulletred:~axldarkix:bulletblue:*KK-the-Fox:bulletgreen:*tails-luver-2085

Much thanks to *coycoy for the avvie! :hug: 83
*Kezzi-Rose:iconKezzi-Rose: 6 days 2 hours ago
:damphyr: Thanks for your :+fav: on my stamp! c:

Remember to check out the rest of my stamp collection; there might be others you like, so feel free to drop by whenever! ^w^

--
♥[ĸ e z z ı]; THE TOXiC KiTTY™ ◕ ◡ ◕

:new: [-CONTEST NOW ON!-] :new:

Stamps ♥ Crafts ♥ CSS ♥ Photography
*Yao-Ling:iconYao-Ling: 6 days 3 hours ago
YEAH BUT PEOPLE ALSO PAIR ANZU WITH MALIK
AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD HATE MALIK BECAUSE
THE ONLY PERSON HE SHOULD BE WITH IS MARIKU!
BUT I HATE PUPPYSHIPPING TOO!!!!!!!
AND PUZZLESHIPPING!!!!
GET THAT CRAP OUT OF MY FACE!!!
I ONLY LOOK AT PUZZLESHIPPING AND PUPPYSHIPPING WHEN I WANT
TO PURGE!!

JOUNOUCHI IS TOO BUSY NOT HAVING A
PERSONALITY TO BE STOLEN.

--

I like boys with
pretty faces and have the
emotional stability of a
teenage girl.
:heart:

I am a love slave. I have many masters. I SHOW LOVE TO THEM BY HINTING AT THEIR EXISTANCE IN MY SIGNATURE.
I hart you, bitches.
~MarikBentusi:iconMarikBentusi: 6 days 11 hours ago
Ha, see, you *are* special afterall. You have a... err... little... star thingie before your name, you HAVE to be special! 8D
Maybe you're just dragging yourself down. Quicksand is quick. At least that's the thing with me, sometimes I spend too much time thinking and that results in nothing good. >_>

I love every life story! There are soooo many people on earth and I only know a sooooo small part of them. Every person, every face you pass on the street, has a whole life story to tell you. I guess all together are the real neverending story. :)

Take care!

--
The scars on our hearts
are our identity cards
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 6 days 12 hours ago
I KNO~ I'd buy it for her. But I don't think she has a computer either. I don't think I could afford a comp and the internet! D:

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
*tails-luver-2085:icontails-luver-2085: 6 days 13 hours ago
Gaah, but her art is so cute. ;-; And it feels like I haven't heard from her in forever. She needs the damn internet. XD

--
:star:Team Riders:star:
:bulletred:~axldarkix:bulletblue:*KK-the-Fox:bulletgreen:*tails-luver-2085

Much thanks to *coycoy for the avvie! :hug: 83
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 6 days 13 hours ago
Yes, but you might've seen these already. She doesn't have much new stuff b/c she is so busy with work. I barely get to see her or talk to her... D: And she barely gets to draw!!! T__T

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
*tails-luver-2085:icontails-luver-2085: 6 days 13 hours ago
Nice. 83

Being lazy is fun, though. XD And yay. 83 I've been dying to see some of her work. D:

--
:star:Team Riders:star:
:bulletred:~axldarkix:bulletblue:*KK-the-Fox:bulletgreen:*tails-luver-2085

Much thanks to *coycoy for the avvie! :hug: 83
*Akila-Ishtar:iconAkila-Ishtar: 6 days 13 hours ago
Yesh. I like making up bad guys. :P But yup, they are awesome.

Haha, mmkay. I'm almost done. I'm just lazy lately... and I've been out and stuff.Oh and Nicole gave me a few of her drawings for me to scan this week. So yay, finally gonna get some of her art up. :)

--
"Unable to express the sadness of your parting
Darkness without end.
You come to me in a dream.
I am flooded by thoughts of what should have been.
But I find it here, with you, goddess of my heart.
A sudden sob wakes me from my dream.
Alone again."
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